Tuesday, September 15, 2009

One Step Ahead

I feel like I've been through a bit of a wringer the last couple of days. I went in to the passport office to see what was up with my missing passport. They didn't send the whole packet back, just a request for the updated photos. My tourist passport is still sitting in Washington D.C.
The woman in there was covering for the person who staffs the office normally, as she is out on leave. I was stressed out and frustrated, and I know it was coming through in behavior as I spoke to here.I apologized at one point, as I was well aware it wasn't her fault and I didn't want her thinking I was angry at her. She was actually amazingly helpful, and I appreciate her efforts at wading through this mess for me.
After I left, I dropped the boys off at a friend's house, then headed back to our house to meet the movers. I had some time alone, as they were late, and I spent it reflecting on our situation, worrying about how it was going to play out. I was a heartbeat from crying, and I think I did break down at one point.
While I was sitting there, feeling so helpless, the words from "Lead, Kindly Light" began running through my head. That hymn is special to Oliver and I. We sang it together the night he proposed, and it has since become "our" song. The first verse goes:
Lead, kindly Light, amid th'encircling gloom,
lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
the distant scene; one step enough for me.
It was that last phrase that struck me. I realized that all I really had to do was focus on the next step, not the entire issue. At that time, it meant getting updated photos, digging out my birth certificate, typing out a new passport application, and bringing it all back to the office that afternoon.
As I ran around taking care of those things that afternoon, I felt a measure of peace replace my anxiety. I even found myself laughing at the absurdity of everything. I have no idea how this is going to turn out, but I know it will all be well in the end.

1 sonar pings:

sues2u2 said...

That is such a beautiful hymn. I'm so glad that you have found some peace & comfort through all of this.