Car Rental Return Woes

Update: I just heard back from AVIS and they have a record of someone else renting the car we had the same day we returned it. So, they should refund our money soon. I'm really glad I caught that charge, and relieved it was so easy to resolve!

We spent nearly a week in Florida a couple weeks ago. We had a rental car through AVIS for the whole time we were there. I returned it on time, even spent extra on a hotel that had a shuttle that would take me to the AUTEC terminal the next morning so I wouldn't have to keep it any extra time. Everything seemed fine, and I saw the guy who returned it check our odometer and tell me all was well.

Fast forward to this week, when I noticed a charge on our credit card account that was more than we'd initially paid for our rental (we booked it through Priceline, which is SO much cheaper than anything else we've tried) from AVIS. So, I sent an email disputing the charge. They came back and told me that we'd supposedly returned the car four days late, so we were being charged for the extra days plus late fees.

Wow. I was a little blown away by that. We've rented a lot of cars since we've moved here and this is the first problem we've had. The return was exactly like all the others, too. I don't really blame AVIS in particular since we've used them before with no ill effects, but clearly some paperwork was not done or filled out incorrectly. I'm waiting for them to get back to me about it, but we've been debating how to prove we returned it on time. We didn't fly commercially, so don't have a plane ticket to prove we left the area, but Oliver thinks he can get a letter from his command stating we returned the day we did. Clearly, we have no need of a rental if we weren't even in the country, right?

Anyway, just thought I'd pass this on with a tip - if you are renting a car, make sure they actually returned it for you. Otherwise, they will sock you with big charges. This is kind of aggravating, too, because car rental companies almost never give you anything when you return your car. They just look at the paperwork, check the odometer, and send you on your way. I guess I can't let that be it next time...

Vacationing With Kids....Or Just Dumping Them With a Sitter?

So, originally we were going to go on a cruise this year. I had hoped for something that hopped a bunch of islands around us. When I went to go price them out, however, I discovered most cruise lines don't run Caribbean cruises during the summer due to the hurricane season.

I certainly can't fault them for that decision, but now we have to come up with something else. I've been digging around, looking at "family friendly" resorts and such. It seems, though, that everything I come up with that's labeled "family friendly" prominently describes its babysitting services and kids' clubs. It's difficult to come up with vacation ideas that assume you are going to actually take the kids along with you.

Call me crazy, but I've always defined "family friendly" as something the entire family could enjoy together. If I really wanted a trip where Oliver and I could just go off and do everything alone, I'd just send the kids to my in-laws where I imagine they would have a better (and much cheaper) time.

Who knows what we're going to do. It might just end up being a park hop in Florida. I suspect we will never reach the end of those. At least I am completely aware that the children can cheerfully tag along with us if we do that.

Vacation!

Wyatt's spring break is all of next week. We've talked it over extensively, and have determined that this week will be spent on a Caribbean vacation complete with vacant, white sand beaches, plenty of peace and quiet, and a quaint little place steps from shopping and eateries.

Okay, you can start laughing now.

And, yes, I really do love it here that much, despite the desperate need every three or four months to go somewhere else.

Yikes. I think it's clear another ipod will be joining our house sometime in the future. And I'm in app-heaven. I've spent all afternoon digging through them, and the first thing Wyatt asked me when he got home from school was whether he could play with the ipod. Yeah, if he can drag it away from his daddy first....

Music?

For my birthday this year, my fab hubby let me pick out any ipod I wanted while we were in Florida last week. He actually bought me the MP3 player I've been running with back when Wyatt was a baby. It's been giving me trouble recently, so I've been talking about getting an ipod for awhile. I just couldn't rationalize the expense.

So, I'm thrilled. We picked it up at Patrick Air Force base, which saved us a big chunk of tax money. I am now the proud owner of an ipod touch.

At this point, I'm not really sure who around here is more excited about it. I downloaded some free games and the boys are all over them - the biggest one included. Clearly, this is going to be a fun toy when we are stuck somewhere. I especially look forward to having it around in the airport where free wifi is easy to find. Because you can also go online with it, which is awesome.

We travel so much, this will be fabulous to look up stuff. Like on this last trip where we accidentally left behind the folder with all the addresses and directions for the hotels and places we were planning on going. Oops. Whoever decided free wifi was a must at places like McDonald's and Dunkin' Donuts is a genius. Or rather, a serious life saver. We'd gotten a place through Priceline for our first night in West Palm, but it was a place we'd never stayed at before so not only did I not remember the name of it, I didn't know where it was at all. We had to stop at the first place with wifi (McDonald's to get it over with - the boys love it, but not us so much) to figure it out. Our laptop is not exactly small, so it'll be nice not to have to haul it out for stuff like that.

Anyway, the real purpose of this post isn't to brag about my ipod. I'm living in a bit of a music vaccuum. The only radio station we get is out of Nassau, and we can't seem to pick it up inside the house. So, we only listen to it for the fifteen second drives to the beach or the rare trip out of the gate. It mostly plays America music, and you forget it isn't coming from the States until the DJ comes on with his Bahamian accent. Pretty much all music on the web is blocked for us because we live internationally, which is a bummer. Really, unless I'm willing to troll YouTube for random music videos, I am a little out of it when it comes to what's new in the music world these days.

So, what do you listen to? Any great new artists? Any songs I just have to check out? I'm especially looking for good workout music. What I have is really getting old.

P.S. Oliver's birthday is only weeks away from mine, so I told him to pick out a GPS for my present to him. He's wanted one for years, and he was pretty happy with it. As for me, well, I have always been a map girl so I wasn't interested in the whole GPS thing. I think I get now why they are so popular, ha. I don't think we'll ever travel again without it - at least not if we need to drive anywhere.

And you thought we were only headed to Florida.

P.S. Space ice cream is so not the same thing!

Nassau - Part 1

For once, I'm gonna get pic heavy, so this one is going to be a two parter. I had the opportunity to go along with Wyatt on his school field trip to Nassau yesterday, and I'm so glad we were able to go! There were 9 kids on the trip, 3 teachers, and 4 parents. I'm glad there weren't any bumping issues because I would not have allowed Wyatt to go without me. If he were 12 or something, sure, but not at 6.

Anyway, here are some of the highlights, because pictures make this much easier:

Here is a shot taken inside the tour bus that met us at the airport. Notice what looks like a large armrest on the side of the right hand seats? They were actually folding seats that filled the aisle. Thankfully, we had no need of them. I shudder to think what trouble that would have been in an accident.

Oh, and the seats themselves were covered in clear plastic. They got pretty sweaty sitting on that afternoon.

Someone said a James Bond movie used this house with the pink wall surrounding it to film around. Maybe someone a little more into James Bond will recognize it?

Cruise ships in the distance.

Our first destination: Hotel Atlantis. Rumor has it it costs $500 to spend a night here. I don't doubt that after having been inside, although we didn't see what the rooms themselves looked like.

Nothing like a waterfall on the outside of your hotel!

Inside the main lobby. The kids were really impressed with this, although I couldn't get a decent picture of it due to the lighting. You'll have to be satisfied with this sketchy picture of one of the murals up on the walls surrounding the huge dome.

Okay, since clearly we weren't there to admire the expensive hotel, here is the first shot of why we came: Atlantis has a whole aquarium going on inside it. This was a walkway with tanks on either side and above us (which is what the picture is of) full of lobsters. It made me hungry.

Terrible picture, but these are Lionfish. They are poisonous, and a nuisance in Bahamian waters. Apparently, their flesh tastes good, however, so they are training Bahamian chefs to prepare them. It's tricky because not only do they have avoid being poisoned by them, they have to make sure their customers aren't, either. I haven't made up my mind as to whether I will try them or not.

This is a "one-man submarine" from Atlantis. There were a lot of things like this along our tour. What got me was how seriously our guide talked about them. Halfway through, I had to stop and decide whether she was telling the truth, she was that good. Hopefully, the kids don't think this stuff is real, haha.

We saw both Manta and Sting Rays, and this picture should give you a good idea of how large these suckers can get. Our tour guide told us they had one that outgrew their tank. Yikes...

Our tour guide also seemed to know which was male and female by looking at their underside as they swam past. Wyatt latched onto that and kept trying to figure it out for himself. Me? Yeah, I still have no clue.

 Here is how they start out. These baby Sting Rays get their own area to grow before they are put in with the rest of the sea life.

 

 We saw a lot of very large fish. I think this is a Barracuda, but I'm not positive.

We stopped at this long, low tank full of sea life we could touch. See that horseshoe crab in the bottom right? I remember finding those all over the shore when my family would go to Cape Cod every summer. We'd bring home empty shells, but this is the first time I've held one that was alive. Wyatt was freaked out about all it's legs and didn't want to touch it, but he was willing to handle this starfish. It's upside down because he didn't want to touch its feet.

 After the tamer stuff, we got to see the predator tank. From underground. They built a tunnel that runs underneath it, and we got to stare at sharks as they swam overhead. Here Wyatt gets close to one of them.

 There were a number of Sawsharks hanging out on the bottom of the tank. This one nicely decided to swim right over us after we had spent a few minutes staring at them. He looks like he has a face underneath him.

 We spent some time topside, too. Here is a shot of the bridge that separates the swimming pool from the shark tank. How's that for vacation excitement?

We walked past this pool of sea turtles. The kids were counting and got up to nine before we had to hurry on so we'd have time for lunch. This was probably my favorite part.

 We caught these two seagulls hanging out. I had to take a picture because I rarely see seagulls on Andros. These two also look different from the ones I remember growing up. They have black wings.

Finally, we were taken to Earth & Fire, a clay studio in the hotel. They sell various clay forms you can paint with ceramic paint. Depending on what you chose, you can cure it at home in your oven (which is what the kids did), or have it fired in their ovens to make a food-safe product. It's not cheap, so it was pretty nice that this was included as part of the tour. 

Here, Wyatt wields a hair dryer to help set his paint enough to take his dolphin home.


To be continued...

Plans and Pay

We've got big plans coming up. We haven't ventured out of our island home since Christmas, and I think we're all getting a little stir-crazy. So, Oliver has some leave papers in play, and we're making plans. It's gonna be a Florida road trip, and I'm really looking forward to it. We pretty much never drive here, so spending some time in the car weirdly sounds appealing.

The boys have made a few requests, and since the closest place to get me a new ID card (the real reason we have to go) is in Orlando, we've got a nice list going. Hopefully, we'll get around to most or all of it. Some of the highlights include a trip to the LEGO store at Downtown Disney, a day at Cape Canaveral, riding Thomas at a railroad museum that is happily hosting a Thomas' day out event every weekend this month, and hitting up a few Man vs. Food restaurants.

All of this comes, though, as we are staring at the news and wondering if Congress will ever get off their butts and work together to prevent a government shut down. If that happens, pay will stop. The trip to Canaveral will also probably have to be scrapped as it will likely be closed. We are luckily not paying a mortgage or have any debt, and this trip is coming from money we have in savings, so the loss of pay for awhile (he will get back pay when it is all worked out) won't really hurt us. I feel, though, for all the people who are going to be very negatively affected by this. I certainly hope no one in Congress, as well as the President, are going to be getting pay, either. Considering this mess is a complete and utter failure on their part to grow up and behave like adults, they should be paying the highest price. Sadly, I doubt that will be the case.

I read somewhere that Donald Trump is considering a run for President next year. Not that long ago I would have said no way, but now? Why the hell not. Maybe he'll fire some idiots. One can always hope.

Some Things I'd Prefer They Not Teach My Kids

We've had a couple incidents around here that have got me rolling my eyes at the people who think that teaching my very young kids about health is a good idea. Wyatt came home from school today and immediately started going on about how bread and tortillas (tortillas?) have sugar in them and can rot his teeth out. Apparently, he watched some video about dental health or something along those lines at school.

As for Oscar, he caught some healthy eating message in between cartoons on PBS the other day that had him running around the house singing, "Don't supersize me!" over and over again. It was basically all about telling kids to say no to extra servings.

I do understand that there's a real obesity issue going on, and I also know these health spots are aimed at teaching kids better habits. Let's face it, though, the child running through the house singing, "Don't supersize me!" weighs all of 30 pounds dripping wet. He barely eats his dinner, which we are considering renaming "breakfast" just because the word "dinner" seems to send him fleeing for his life. Encouraging him to push his food away is really not helpful. Trust me, he's got that one down already.

And teaching my kid that tortillas and bread have excess sugars in them? As an adult, I understand where they were going with this, but Wyatt had no idea. He mostly just got the message that these two things were somehow unhealthy for him. At six, he's not ready to understand glucose. If they really wanted to harp on something, soda and candy would have been much better candidates.

Maybe I'm wrong, but the roots of childhood obesity seem to lay in the responsible adults in these kids' lives, not whether or not the school or TV infomercials are laying out the right message about health. My kids are a healthy weight because of several factors, the prime factor being that I work hard to provide healthy food for them and limit the junk around here. I do terrible things like make them eat soup, don't let Wyatt buy chips at school for snack, and only occasionally provide sweets, most of which have been made at home. Soda is something we only get when we eat out, which is not too often these days. Otherwise, it's water or milk, with juice for breakfast only.

My point is, the real education needs to happen with the parents, not the kids. I've discovered that almost none of these "healthy" messages that we've seen on TV are effective for my kids. Most times, they pick up on something odd and run with it, while the main message goes right over their heads. (Hence the refrain of "Don't supersize me!" in our home now - I will laugh if he ever asks me to sing it to him for his bedtime song.)

Ultimately, I'm responsible for my children's weight. If they don't get enough exercise or will only eat pizza all day (pizza that I would, of course, have to be providing for them), that's all on me. They have no medical condition that affects their weight. Only a world full of junk. My job is to teach them to navigate it. No one else is ever going to be able to do this more effectively.

MMB Post

I'm behind, but this was my post back on the 11th.

Facing The Wall?

A while back, we had a visit from some Navy higher-ups, and things have improved around here since then. Our COLA doubled, and MWR has made a much greater effort to get new rec equipment here. (Looking forward to the paintball stuff!)

The best news for me, though (outside of the much needed COLA), was that they were going to find us some new gym equipment. The gym here is in serious need of some TLC. Half the cardio equipment is either broken or nearly there, and it's all jammed into this tiny room with some useless TVs (due to placement) high up on the wall. The rest of the gym is full of ancient weight machines that do seem mostly functional, and free weights. Clearly, whoever designed it initially (if I can use the word "design" here) was more into weight lifting than cardio.

Anyway, I spend a fair amount of time in there during the summer when it's way too hot to run outside. When I heard MWR was going to send new equipment, I was excited. (Well, okay, new to us - it actually was all used at some point at another base, but is a far cry better than the barely-working stuff they've had in there.)

This Monday, Oliver had to go help lug it all in there as the machines arrived on the barge this past weekend. I went to run later that afternoon and got a taste of the new treadmills. While they aren't technically new, they look pretty new compared to the crap we've been using in there. The one I used may actually be new, and reminds me of the nice ones they had in the gym back in WA.

So, good news there. The bad news? They used to face the doorway, which was awkward and I have whacked my knee before trying to get around the other machines. So, they turned them to face the wall, where a horribly done mural of a killer whale in the ocean is pasted. I appreciate the ease of getting onto them, but it hasn't helped the tedious nature of a treadmill by sticking an ugly mural five inches from my face. Oliver did say the plan was to get flat screens across that wall to replace the TVs that are so high up you can't watch them without falling off your machine, so hopefully this will not be an issue anymore.

Japan

They are in the middle of a voluntary evacuation of hundreds of military families from Japan's mainland. Some of them are coming from the base we would have been at if we'd gotten our wish and headed to Japan 18 months ago. I'm a little weirded out by it. I mean, on the one hand, I'm grateful we aren't in the middle of that mess, and I know it's easy to say, hey, we were blessed or whatever. But are we really any more important than anyone else who was there? I dunno - I suspect this is the foundation of survivor's guilt, although obviously my own situation isn't quite that...

Anyway, I am praying for this nuclear situation to find a resolution. As horrible as the tsunami was, it's this problem that has me most on edge. Japan isn't exactly a backwards, newbie-on-the-tech-scene kind of country. Clearly, no matter how safe you make it, nuclear power has some very real risks that come with the benefits.

I've read articles calling, once again, for countries to ban it. I think it's far too late for that sort of thing, and nuclear power is here to stay. I wonder, though, where the next meltdown will occur. Who will pay the highest price for this revolutionary, yet horribly unsafe energy source?

And, yes, this is coming from a military wife whose husband spent over six years hiding nuclear warheads in the pacific ocean. Which is why I understand this isn't so simplistic as just banning it. No one's giving it up now. I am proud of my husband for doing his job; I feel very strongly that it's necessary to hopefully keep the balance of power so no one feels confident enough to shoot off their nukes.

But will we learn from this mess in Japan? Will we think long and hard about nuclear power and the risks it entails? Will we work harder to ensure that anyone living near a reactor is properly evacuated, given iodine, kept informed, etc. in case of disaster? Will we put enough money into developing worst case scenarios and resources? Will we work on building better back up generators? Or will everyone in the world just think, hey, wasn't in my backyard - the Japanese must be doing something wrong.

All I have to say to that is, think about Katrina. Consider what would have happened if there'd been a reactor in the path of that storm.

Don't even get me started on Libya...

God Made Everything, Except...

Tonight, right after saying prayer before eating dinner, Wyatt looked up at us and commented, "God made everything, right? Except traffic lights."

We started laughing, but I will admit, he has a point. Why would God make something that causes so many people to curse Him when they are sitting at one?

Let There Be Milk

I'm hoping they will unload the barge today. I know it finally arrived here yesterday, but when Oliver went to see if they had milk at the store right before closing, there was a sign up that apologized that nothing had been offloaded as of yet. We've been nursing our last half gallon, but ran out last night, so it was toast and bananas (grown here on Andros - so much better than the stuff you can buy in the States!) for breakfast today.

In truth, I'm kind of getting used to the shortages, so I'm not really peeved about it. We have powdered and canned milk as a back up for cooking, and it's not going to kill us to not drink it for awhile. Lack of choice is definitely not the same as no food at all.

I am, however, getting a good picture of why the buy local campaigns matter. We get most of our food from the States, which gets a lot of it from other countries. When the resupply barge, which comes weekly, is delayed by bad weather (like it was this week - the winds here have been crazy), everything gets dicey.
Add to that early frosts in different countries, including California (as has been reported recently to us), and you get a situation here where not too much choice becomes almost no choice.

Like the complete lack of fresh vegetables lately. I used to count on getting a decent salad at the chow hall, which is pretty much the only reason I enjoy eating there occasionally. The last time we went, though, all they had was lettuce, some sad looking cucumbers, and canned fruit. There wasn't even a potato bar with diced onions, tomatoes, and peppers, which I often use on my salad. The store has had about five kinds of "fresh" vegetables, most of which look like they are going to rot by the time you get them home.

So, I'm really, really grateful for the stuff we've been able to buy that was grown here. There is a big initiative in the Bahamas right now to grow a garden because so much of what they eat is imported. A place like this is much more susceptible to food supply disruptions because of how our food gets here. I hope they are successful at encouraging more local food production. I haven't had a lot of success in our garden the last six months or so, but I just put some more seeds in the ground and am crossing my fingers over them. Wyatt is also in a gardening class once a week after school, and they are growing vegetables in four raised beds next to the school building. It's really awesome sometimes the opportunities that can come from moving around. Gaining new perspectives is by far the reason I can't wrap my head around the idea of ever settling down.

The Guilt Factor, and Why It Had To Go

Lately, I feel like I've had my eyes opened to a lot of things about myself and the way I live my life. I don't know if it's all the unscheduled time, or the lack of  church to attend, or all this uncertainty about what our lives will look like after we leave here, but this last month or so has been one of many deep conversations and even deeper thoughts running through my head. Today, I finally feel like I have a grip on a lot of it, so I'm ready to type it out. Some of you will probably disagree with me, but that's totally okay with me. I can handle disagreement. I'm a big girl, and realize not everyone's world view lines up with mine.

Anyway.

Having been raised the way I was, and with religion as a huge part of it, I think one of the not so great legacies is that I've learned that life is about doing what you have to so you don't feel guilty all the time. It's about what you are supposed to do, not what you want to do. There are so many penalties and fear of your salvation. My parents were masters of the guilt trip, too - they added in a lot of other issues that have made it all magnified for me.

This last year and a half, where all my time is now pretty much my own and I can order it how I will, has lead to a lot of  issues for me. I keep wandering around, besieged by guilt that I often can't even place. I'd have good days and I'd have bad ones, but in the end, I felt like I was spinning in circles, avoiding anything that seemed like it "had" to be done.

So, I decided about a month ago that I was getting off the guilt train. I was going to stop feeling guilty period. The first few weeks, quite honestly, I just played video games or surfed the web in between taking care of the family. The house got to be a huge wreck and I didn't really care.

Except, I did on some level. After spending so much time just doing whatever dumb thing I wanted, I realized that my life wasn't just about fun stuff. I have a lot of things I want out of life, and none of them include amusing myself on the computer. And I don't want my main motivator to be guilt anymore. Because it's a terrible motivator, and when I respond to it, I don't feel fulfilled in the end because there is always something more to feel guilty about. I want to live my life focusing on the things that I want out of it, not the fear of what will happen if I don't do all these things that other people say are important.

After having this mind shift, I realized that this week was the first in my life that I actually felt the desire to keep the house clean and didn't mind doing the work required to make that happen. Why? Because I have realized that living in a clean house matters a lot more to me than I thought it did. Because it isn't about what other people think about our house, it's what we who live here think. In that same vein, I'm done apologizing because I didn't do the dishes last night or the living room floor is full of toys when someone happens to drop by. Our life is what we want it to be, not a show piece for others.

I cannot deny the role that religion has played in this. I was raised Mormon, and have stuck with it during my adult life because at heart I believe it is true. However, I think the absolute worst thing about my own religion, and religions in general, is the role guilt always plays in everything. It's always the little edge they stick in there to get people to do stuff. "This calling came straight from God, so you can't say no." Your salvation always seems to be hanging on the edge of whether or not you do every little, tiny thing exactly right, even though people will give lip service to how it doesn't matter if  you're perfect.

I've seen the worst of this lately on a few Mormon leaning blogs (although I've seen similar things on other religious blogs, it just didn't affect me the same way because I don't belong to those faiths) that have come up with religious-leaning products to sell to their readers. The selling point is that whatever it is will help your family or you come to Christ in amazing ways. The implied message is that whatever you are doing now isn't enough, and if you don't buy this, you will be poorer for it. I'm so turned off by that kind of marketing. Feel free to explain what you are selling to me, but I don't want to hear about how amazing it will be in my life because you have no way of knowing that. None.

I should say I'm still pretty religious, and I'm going to attend the Mormon church again when we return to the States. I am not, however, going to let anyone guilt trip me into doing things. If a calling really, truly does not fit into my life at that point in time, I'm going to say no. And I'm not going to obsess over it. Sometimes, people don't know what is going on in your life. And if my visiting teaching list is next to impossible for me to accomplish, or I'm having issues with my partner, I'm going to ask for a change.

I don't know why we have always been expected to  just take it and go with it because it's such a random slapping together of people. Doesn't it make a little more sense if we give the people putting together these assignments a little more input? Like, when I never had a car and couldn't visit anyone off base without much drama with my husband's command or by making my companion do all the driving? That whole thing was stupid, and the end result was me not doing much at all, when I should have spoken up and asked for change. But there was the unspoken message that you don't do that because it's not right. Except, that makes no freaking sense...

And now that this is starting to shift into something else, I am going to finish up by saying I feel better today, better than I have in a long, long time about my life and the direction it's going. I think sometimes we are afraid to just focus on what we want because we've been taught that these bigger goals someone else set are more important than our own.  We've got all these things to check off along the way, instead of trying to forge our own path. I don't think that is really what the core of the gospel is about, but somehow that's the message that often comes across. Like when I lived in Utah and it seemed everyone was checking out what their neighbor was doing to see if they were still living on the straight and narrow.

Then there is the fear that if we just do what we want, we'll go tripping off in the sunset, sinning freely along the way. I don't really feel any great desire to break the covenants I've made or the things I've come to believe strongly in. I want to attend church again, and I would like a calling. I am, however, going to do those things because I want to, not because I feel like I have to. The beautiful thing about consequences is that we get to choose them. If I'm without a husband and don't feel like braving sacrament meeting with my two kids while someone whispers behind me how annoyed they are because my boys are loud (true story), I'll stay home and not fret about it. I'll accept the consequence that maybe I'll miss out on something, or maybe my kids will get the wrong message. Or, I'll take them and try to ignore the people around me because I'm trying to teach my sons something about how important church is even when we are tired and feel forgotten by those there. Either way, it's my choice to make, and not something to freak out about over and over again. I regret how many times I've done that.

I'm not going to wrap this up well because my three year old needs me to spend time with him playing Duplos. And I want to make him happy more than I want to give this blog post a nice, clean conclusion. I do need to stress, though, that I feel more in control of my life now that I ever have. I get to choose how to feel, where to go, and what I want out of life. And guilt, well, I'm done with that for good.