Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Things to Never Say to a Military Wife

"I can't imagine how it must be to be without your husband for months on end! I know I could never do it." Don't say this to us, please. You know what we hear? "Holy cow, I'm so glad I'm not you! Let me look the other way now so I don't have to be some actual help to you while your baby is screaming and the toddler is running away because you were trying to help the baby."

7 sonar pings:

tressays said...

:) I blogged about this about a month ago. I have a top 10 list. It does make a person want to go a little crazy, doesn't it?

Laura said...

I agree...we DEFINITELY hear it differently than what they're saying...

"you must be some kind of freak to be able to do that, because no normal person would be able to raise children, stay sane, and stay married with that lifestyle."

GRRRRRrrrr...

Mrs. Staff Sergeant said...

Amen sister!

My (supposed) best friend said to me once (in the midst of a conversation about military benefits) "nothing in the world would ever be worth my kids growing up without their father around"!

Uhhh, are you trying to say that I'm an idiot for choosing this life, or what? Maybe that we don't love our kids? That we're bad parents??

Comments like those make me want to scream! People need to think about their choice of words before they speak sometimes.

Emily Snow said...

I go to a military ward where the majority of the families are military (unlike me who is one of the civilians who probably has said a stupid thing here or there in my time certainly without meaning to!)...and many of those have husbands/fathers that are down range right now, have just returned or will be leaving this fall. My eyes have been opened and I have nothing but respect for the women and children that are left behind...and for those husbands that go and do their duty...there are three families that I have in mind this fall that I hope to lighten their load when possible once Thomas goes to school and I only have Toby. I can much easier go sit at their house, watch their 3 or 4 little ones that are too young to go to school and let their moms go out and run errands or what not. I don't know how often I'll actually be able to do it, but I figure every once in a while is better than nothing!

Ana said...

I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it when people notice that I'm struggling and step in to hold the baby or walk the cart to the commissary for me or just let me talk a few minutes to another adult. Those moments mean a LOT. So anything you can do, will really mean something.

I was in church the week before Oliver came home, and was having a LOT of trouble keeping the kids quiet in sacrament meeting. We were sitting near the back, and I'd already been in and out a couple times for different reasons. I heard someone whisper to someone else that they were having trouble concentrating because it was loud, and I walked out and didn't come back. I was so mad. Would it have cost them so much to offer to take the babbling baby for me so I could deal with Wyatt's very loud train noises?

Emily Snow said...

I'm sorry that happened.

Ana said...

I just reread my comment and it sounds a little harsher than I meant. I did actually stay for the rest of church, mostly for Wyatt's benefit as he really was having fun in Sunbeams, but we sat the rest of Sacrament meeting in the hallway. I'm pretty much over it now, but I was really mad then, lol. It surprised me, too, because most people there are military or understand from dealing with so many of us. Maybe she just had a bad day or something, and my kids didn't help that any. Who knows.