Tuesday, March 4, 2008

No Right to Complain?

Ok, I keep running into all these comments that miltary wives have "no right to complain" when things get tough because "we chose this life". This is really starting to irritate me. When I hear a civilian complain about his or her job, or their spouse complain about long hours or business trips or whatever, I have never heard anyone tell them to shut up and put up because they "chose that life". Really, what is the difference here? We've struggled at times because Oliver's command has gone through a bunch of really lousy officer and chief-types that have made life more difficult than it has to be. Morale on the boat has suffered as much as ours. That was not what we signed up for. We didn't "choose" to have to deal with incompetent people who waste others' time, or leaders who are concerned only with earning awards and not with being fair to their people. We "chose" to live a life that would entail separations and difficulty, with the goal being it would help the country as well as ourselves (yes, the paycheck does matter!). Those of you telling army wives they have no right to complain because their husbands' tours were extended by 3 months - to a whopping 15 months - are probably the same ones who think an overnight business trip is a hardship. And you probably complain about it to your friends. But, didn't you choose this life when you married the guy? Everyone has the right to voice their frustration with a situation. The only time I would turn my irritation on someone who is complaining about their spouse's military job is if they are doing it over, and over, and over again without ever trying to solve their problems or deal with it in a meaningful way. That is complaining - and that statement is true for civilians, too, by the way.

9 sonar pings:

Erika said...

I don't see how complaining about my job is any different than complaining about your husbands. Some people have no tolerance or understanding for other people. That is frustrating!!

Peggy said...

Amen sister! Just because we chose the lives we have doesn't make the hard times any easier. Neither does knowing it's going to be hard.

trying said...

EXCELLENT POST!!! hubs squadron is sufering with the same lousy, lazy oficers and it kills me to see what its doing to him and his morale.

we did choose this life, but we are still human. we endure a lot and often complain a lot less then others.

Great post!

oh by the way, I saw a very cute craft in an art book for toddlers on making a submarine out of a soda bottle. I thought of you and your son. Mine wanted to make it and then turn it in to an airplane like daddy's. If you want me to try to send it to you email me and let me know.

(army)Wife said...

100% agree!!! Sure, we chose this life and we knew that we were going to have to deal with deployments and the other crap that comes with the military, but that doesn't mean we don't get frustrated and stressed out when things aren't going the way we had hoped for or plans get thrown out of whack because of something completely beyond our control. And from what I'm seeing of military spouses it really takes some screwed up military s**t to get them whining about their lives. They seem to be able to take most deployments and canceled vacations in stride with only a few muttered curses.

Sgt and Mrs Hub said...

I also get irritated when I hear this said and experience this sort of mentality.
Life is life - it's hard and it stinks sometimes no matter what your job is.
Besides I don't really see the point of having made a statement like "we chose this life." It only serves to try and make someone else feel bad and that's just not nice!

-Andrea

-Andrea

trying said...

for my email just go to my blogger profile it should have a link up in there. Ill see if i can scan the pages from the book to send to you. the sub was a big hit in our house and the problem has been getting him to leave it in the tub!

Ana said...

Hmm, can't find a link in your profile...

Mrs. Staff Sergeant said...

Hurray! Kudos to you on this post- I agree whole heartedly!! (and in fact posted about the same topic a few months ago: clicky)

The whole "you knew what you were getting into" line makes me a bit furious! Glad I'm not the only one :P

sues2u2 said...

I discovered your post through a friend of a friend. I love it! I can also tell you that as a retired Air Force wife people don't understand. I was pregnant with our first while my hubby was deployed in Bosnia (see it's been awhile!).

Best wishes to all of you. It does get a little easier when "you" retire. Not much but a little!